The Last of the Samoas

What a strange week it’s been. 

Last week was pretty hellacious. 

I feel like I say that a lot, working behavioral health in a hospital. 

However, it’s certainly a relative kind of hellacious. Friday, I was talking to a male nurse friend at work and as he told me some of his crazier stories from his EMS days, I realized how tame my “wild” stories actually were. 

I’ve had a lady pull food out of her mouth and throw it in my face. 

He’s wrestled a scrappy older man in the back of a moving ambulance. 

You win this round, Sam.

Shelly and I are still doing pretty good on walking 2-3 times a week, but the diet is doing less than fabulous. Over the weekend, Shelly broke down and bought girl scout cookies. 

I remember seeing a nature documentary once where these sharks had herded an entire school of fish into this huge ball. Slowly, but surely, they took turns going through the group and eating fish until eventually there was literally nothing but a few scales floating around where the thousands of fish had once been. 

I thought of this documentary last night when I saw a now-empty box of Samoas on the kitchen counter. 

We took no prisoners.

Honestly though, I do really great throughout the week. It’s the weekends that get me. I think my brain learned during college that weekend=party. Only now, instead of drinking with my friends, it’s eating junk food with my family. 

I like to think that I’ve evolved.

Saturday night, the kids went to their dad’s, and Shelly went out with one of her girlfriends for their birthday dinner. I had the house to myself, so of course I read a self-help book, fashioned a table out of wood scraps I’d been saving, and watched Youtube videos on learning a foreign language. 

…or I played video games for like 4 hours straight. I can’t remember exactly how it all went down. 

When she got home though, we watched Hacksaw Ridge. Truly, an amazing movie. It was so uplifting and so visceral at the same time. Usually, I don’t care for movies based on true stories – but this one had such compelling acting (and truthfully, Mel Gibson just makes good movies) that it was captivating from the second it started. 

Hard to watch, but I would highly recommend. 

Sunday, I talked to Grandma again, and prepped lunches for the week. 

Later, we made a late-night run to Dollar General for craft supplies because Jade has started making “How-To” craft videos on Youtube. 

I’m still trying to get her to let me share them here.

I also got a toy for the cats. The "Purrfect Arch".

Batman's obsessed with it. 

I really wish Jaxon would find something he’s passionate about, again. He used to do so many different things as hobbies – but now he’s so ate up with video games that it’s all he can think about. If he’s not playing them, he’s watching videos of other people playing them. The time spent on these things isn’t really the problem – as we don’t let him play for hours on end… it’s just, I wish he had a hobby on top of gaming that he could take pride in.

That’s a hard thing, though – helping someone find out what they’re passionate in. He did tae kwon do for so long, but eventually got tired of that. He still likes certain sports when they’re in-season. During his down-time though, he’s just a little lost.

I suppose the answer will come in time.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been pushing back plans to film a Wheel of Fortune application video. I’ve wanted to go on the show for years now – and only recently found out that you can submit your application via YouTube. 

I’ve put together what I think is a funny script/application idea. The only thing left to do now is film it.

Being on that show is my life’s desire. It was one of the few shows I watched religiously with my Grandma before she passed – and it’s always held a special place in my heart. 

Not to mention, I’m pretty awesome at it if I do say so myself. 

Seriously… Shelly and the kids don’t like watching it with me anymore, and I have to watch it alone - shouting out the answers to nobody.  

My gift has become my curse.

I’m still trying to find a balance of what I want this blog to be. So far, it's been an absolute blast, writing my thoughts and experiences down to share and look back on. I love documenting what the family does throughout the week – but I also want to make sure it’s fun to read (or worth me looking back on years after I’ve written it). 

And really, I guess I'm trying to figure out how real to make it. Being a family is so much fun - but it also comes with bumps and bruises. Couples argue. Kids fight. What's the perfect ratio of good experiences versus learning experiences? 

Again, I guess the answer will come in time. 

#Optimisticprocrastinator 

Until next week.

President's Day

Sometimes, things line up in just the right way.

This weekend being President's Day weekend was just a perfect example.

Last week, work was pretty rough. Not something I was unprepared for - but definitely not the type of week I'm in any hurry to repeat. Sometimes, I think life bad luck gets a wild hair and tears into you - and it's never when you're ready for it. 

...and it doesn't help when, in addition to a stressful week at work, you spend two mornings trying to get frost off of your windshield with a broken scraper because your good one was last seen 20 feet off of the ground in a random tree.

Thankfully, with the holiday this weekend though, I got three days to recuperate. 

Mom came down to visit Friday night, which was a blast. It's always fun when the grandparents come to visit. This time though, my step dad was going to Kansas to help his mom move out of her home - so it was just Grandma. 

One thing our family loves is tradition. Big traditions, small traditions - it doesn't matter. We just like the feeling of comfort or normalcy that tradition provides. 

After we moved into the new house, one tradition we started pretty early on was that Friday night=pizza and a movie night. 

There have been a few weeks that we've slacked off - or weeks that the kids have been with their dad - but for the most part, we've spent enough at Simple Simon's over the years to help them put their kids through college. 

This Friday was no different. Well, not really. 

While we normally rent a movie on Friday nights, this weekend we actually went to the theater. The kids had asked if we could go see Lego Batman while mom was here, so I begrudgingly agreed to go sit through two hours of Batman jokes and references. 

...Ok, I was more excited than they were.

I mean honestly, the first Lego movie was amazing. It really captured the essence of what it felt like to be a kid playing with Legos. The feeling that your imagination is the only limit of what you can experience. 

This movie was more of the same - but with Batman. There were so many jokes that referenced back to the old movies and tv show that half the time I was cracking up and Shelly and the kids had no idea a joke had been made. 

If you have kids (or don't mind being "that adult" at the theater) - I'd highly recommend it. 

Saturday, the three early birds in the house (Mom, Jaxon, and me) woke up and went for a walk with Ruthie, mom's dog. This visit was the first time she's brought her dog with her, so that added a new angle to the experience. 

When I lived alone in grad school I had two cats, Turk and JD. Around the same time, Shelly got both of her kids cats, Princess and Batman (who we later found out was a girl, though the name had already stuck). 

Having two cats is great. They keep each other company, they groom each other, and you only have to worry about keeping food/water out and scooping the box once a day. 

...then we got married and moved in together. We became a four-cat family. God help us. 

Since we moved in, we did lose one of our cats, but still - three cats can be quite a handful. We've flirted with the idea of getting a dog before, but never really knew how the cats would react. Mom's dog, Ruthie, was somewhat of a trial run. We knew that she's old/calm enough that she wouldn't be any problem for the cats, and it would let us see how they responded to the presence of a dog without any danger. 

Let's just say Turk showed his true colors. He disappeared. The two younger, female cats were cautiously intrigued.

Emphasis on 'cautiously'. 

Now that the dog is gone though, you can almost hear his little cat thoughts: 

"Shoot, if that dog was still here, I'd show her she chose the wrong house. She's lucky she's not here anymore..." 

Sunday was spent on videogames, chores, and what I thought was going to be watching the new Planet Earth special with the family. When we found out that for some reason it didn't record - we changed plans and went back to our usual routine. Jaxon started a new show on Netflix called Trollhunters, which seems to be pretty decent - and Jade played with her new toy (a "Hatchimal" - whatever that is...). 

I swear, life is absolutely more fun when your kids have this much personality. Jaxon has become such a fun kid to play video games with. He joins in with me and the guys that I play with - and because of this, he's learning how to joke around and trash talk in a way that we're learning more every day how quick-witted he can be.  

Jaxon spent his Valentine's money on a new game for his friend so that they could play together. 

...Jade opted to spend hers on a sloth.

Monday was meal-prep for the rest of the week and more games with Jaxon, while Jade spent the day at her best friend Gracie's house. 

Poor Shelly spent her day at work. 

So, tomorrow we're back to it. Work will resume, and a few loose ends from last week will need to be tied up. I'm thankful I had this weekend there so I could take a breath. 

Valentine's Day

It’s been a pretty uneventful week, this past week – which was absolutely perfect. 

I remember listening to John Mulaney’s stand up one time as he talked about the difference between uneventful days as a child and as an adult. 

He said: “Kids don’t like that. Kids always wanna do stuff. Kids get angry, they go, ‘Aw, we didn’t do anything ALL DAY.’ 

You ever ask an adult what they did over the weekend and they say they didn’t do anything, their faces light up.” 





The proof copy of my short poem book came in, but it was cut to the wrong size, which is going to delay the release by a few days. 

I’m really excited about this book, though, because it’s different than anything I’ve done before. 

I guess I'm also a little nervous for the same reason. I got so many great idea suggestions for children’s books, but was a little overwhelmed at the prospect of making an entire book (30+ pages) for each idea. I decided to do a poem book covering most of the ideas I was given. 



While I think it’s going to resonate with more than a few people, I’m nervous since not every poem will speak to every reader. I’ve decided to sell hard copies, but to also give the digital files away for free. People can read the poems to their kids on tablet or computer –and then actually buy a copy if they want a tangible version. 

With Valentine’s Day coming up, the majority of the week was mostly spent on preparations. 





Last year, Shelly started a new tradition that has turned out to be quite sweet. For the first fourteen days of the month, she puts a heart on the kids’ doors every day with a personalized message written on it, detailing one thing that she loves about them.

Every day they open their door to find one new thing that they are valued for – and I think they’ve really enjoyed it. 














Friday night, Shelly and Jade went to Walmart to get groceries while Jaxon and I stayed home playing xbox. Shelly has learned that grocery trips go much faster when she only takes Jade – and I’ve found out my night is much more fun when I stay home and play xbox with Jaxon instead of going to Walmart. 

Win/win. 







Jade decided that this year she wanted to make her own Valentine’s box for her classroom. After googling “Cute Valentine’s Box Ideas” she came up with this Unicorn. 




I was super impressed with how it turned out. While she did get a little help from Shelly and me – for the most part, this was her project. My favorite part though was her nervousness that someone else would make the same unicorn (because all kids would obviously google the same phrase and scroll down the same five rows, and choose the same white unicorn box). She called her best friend Gracie and said “Whatever you do, don’t make a unicorn!” 

Thankfully, Gracie was making an owl for her “Cute Valentine’s Box Idea”. 





Saturday night, Shelly and I went on our yearly Valentine’s Date. 

This year, I really hit the jackpot. I took Shelly out to dinner and a movie (the tried and true “Tahlequah date night” – though, next year I think we’re going to be a bit more creative) and my awesome wife chose Rib Crib and John Wick 2 – reminding me yet again that my wife is a more stereotypical husband than I am… 

After the movie, we settled in to a couple of episodes of Longmire on Netflix. 

We tend to have a few different shows that we’re watching at one time, and this one has been pretty great so far. It’s kind of like Sherlock Holmes meets Gunsmoke. Honestly, if they used that tagline to sell the show, I think I would have started it years ago. 




Sunday brought our usual end-of-weekend events. I called Grandma to visit with her about Grandpa and how things in Tulsa are going. I finished another page of the new Cherokee story children’s book that my friend Brad Wagnon and I are working on and Shelly finished the projects she wanted to get done this weekend.

Jaxon played more xbox and binge watched a few shows on Netflix, and Jade got out her “Kids can cook, too” ( I don’t think that’s the real name) cookbook and made a dessert and an Italian appetizer. 








All in all, a pretty great week. 

I truly do like the uneventful ones the best.

Operation: Rescue the Rescuer

Tonight at the track, what should have been 30 minutes of exercise turned into a 45 minute comedy of errors.

To preface: 

We've been trying to exercise at least three times a week as a family. Typically, this means going to the little school in our neighborhood and walking at the track there - and sometimes it means going on explorations through our neighborhood (like the time I thought there was a dead body in the canal because I'd been watching too much Longmire). 

Tonight was no different, though before we left the house, Jaxon asked if he could take Jade's soccer ball so that they could kick it around while Shelly and I walked. 

Everything was going according to plan until we got there.

At the track, you have to park a good way from the track. Walking from the car, Jaxon handed me the soccer ball and said "Punt it!" 

So I did. 

Right into a tree. 

No big deal though, right? I've gotten things stuck in trees before. You just find something to throw at it until you dislodge it. 

Only, I've never gotten things stuck in a tree with the kids before. 

What followed was ten minutes of Jaxon, Jade, Shelly, and myself taking turns throwing golf ball sized rocks at the tree, often missing and yelling "LOOK OUT!" at whoever was in the path of danger.

At one point, Jade brought in a half-full water bottle she found on the playground for assistance.

Eventually, Shelly asks "Is there anything in the car that we could throw instead of these rocks?" 

I told her "I'm sure there is." and off she went to the car to find a tool. 

She returned with my ice scraper/windshield brush - threw it at the tree - where it, too, became stuck. 

Cue Operation: Rescue the Rescuer. 

We now have two things stuck in the tree and are no closer to getting the initial soccer ball. 

More rocks thrown, more warnings shouted. 

Somewhere in the background, children filed from the parking lot into the gym for what looked like basketball practice. I could only imagine what our family must have looked like, chucking things at a tree where a soccer ball and ice scraper dangled precariously. 

I swear I could almost hear their thoughts: 

"Do they do that for fun?" "Mama, what's wrong with those people?" "Is that what drugs makes you do?" 

After a few more rock throws, I finally got the soccer ball down, but the ice scraper just didn't want to budge. 

Eventually, Shelly and I gave up and went on to the track, challenging the kids to continue working on the ice scraper. 

By the end of the night, after both Jaxon and Jade had been up in the tree, trying to shake the offending limb (which was pretty hilarious when Jade - pushing with all of her body weight - couldn't shake the branch at all) - we finally gave up and went home. 

I'd like to think tomorrow the kids playing on the playground will come up with interesting stories for the mystery of the random ice scraper hanging in their playground tree. 

Our family might not have gotten the exercise we planned on tonight - but we laughed, played, and the kids got along as we worked as a family towards a common goal. 

A silly looking goal, I'll admit - but a goal all the same. 

The Super Bowl Party

Have you ever noticed that the it's damn near impossible to have a family event without unhealthy food? 

Last weekend we had our family's version of a Super Bowl party, and it was no exception.

While shopping for groceries last Friday, I got the bright idea that while watching the game, we could make some traditional Super Bowl Sunday snack foods. 

When Jaxon asked "Why?", I told him that we were having a Super Bowl party - and that everybody who lived in the house was invited. 

We had queso and chips. We had little smokeys. We had brownies. It was everything a fat American football party should be. 

(and yes, that's a new "How to make sushi" kit in the background - we've already established that I don't learn...)

Once the game was going, everyone assumed their positions in the front room and we settled in to watch what initially looked like a complete shutout of a game. Jaxon, the family's only Patriots fan, ended up going to his room to play xbox. I think he got tired of the rest of us saying "Holy cow, are they even going to score one point?!" 

...if we had only known. 

Jade, with only birthday and slumber parties as a point of reference, decided that she would enjoy the night more with a pallet on the floor, and honestly, she went all out. 

(She also provided our half-time entertainment to the music of Lady Gaga)

As the night wore on, we all lamented on how crappy we had eaten this weekend. 

Well, by "we all", I mean Shelly and me. 

That's the thing about temptation though, isn't it? It's not fun to just put your toes in the pool. You walk around it for weeks, looking at the clear blue water, thinking about how great it would feel on your skin - and how much fun it would be to make a huge splash... 

...and before you know it, you "accidentally" fall in. Cannonball style. 

For me, my cannonball this weekend was a chicken shell taco from Taco Bell and a Grand Mac from McDonald's. 

Seriously, I had been doing SO good. I counted calories. I exercised. If nothing, I was holding firm at a weight I was moderately happy with. But then, two of the many fast food restaurants in town came out with their odes to gluttony and I was lost. 

I mean, really. The shell of the taco is made out of fried chicken. Also, it's a Big Mac... but bigger!

Can you imagine if they made "meth-ier meth"??

I have to admit though, as a therapist who spends so much time helping people deal with their individual addictions, there's a moderate amount of guilt whenever I relapse like this. 

I'll be the first to admit that my drug of choice is clearly food. I think about it. I read about it. I watch television shows about it. I plan vacations around it. 

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. 

Every time I go to the doctor, I'm told that I could stand to lose a few pounds, but advice has never done much to turn the tide of cravings. 

Now, admittedly, I do good for long periods of time, but the temptation is always there. 

Thankfully, I've got a pretty great support system, and a great family who is always willing to join me in a little bit of healthy exercise. 

So, as Sunday ended and Monday began - it was back to the real world. A world of calorie counting apps and semi-regular trips to the track. 

I know that there will be more relapses in my future. I'm pretty sure I can get through them. 

Lunch with Grandma or The World's Friendliest Duck

For the first part of the year, the universe had aligned to keep us from going to Tulsa to celebrate Christmas with my grandma. From icy roads to stomach bugs to strep throat, things just kept happening, causing us to postpone and postpone our plans again and again.


Last weekend though, we finally go to make the trip.



A few months ago, my grandma and grandpa moved from their home in Bartlesville to Tulsa so that they could live with my dad. Moving in with family gave grandma the extra help she needed to take care of grandpa, whose health isn't as good as it once was.

Recently celebrating their 65th anniversary, they've been together since they were 14 - and set the bar for what a happy, dedicated relationship looks like.

Grandma Dess is one of the best people I've ever known. She's the type of person I wish more people could be like, and truly lives by a "do unto others" mentality. As a result, she's just a really good person - and a joy to be around.

She's hilarious, personable, watches R rated movies, has never met a stranger, and has personality for days. 

Time spent with her is time well spent. 

Last weekend, we had decided that while we were spending the afternoon with grandma, we'd take her - and the kids - to a restaurant they'd never been to: a Hibachi Steakhouse. 

Finding out that Shogun wasn't open until dinner time on Saturdays, we headed back up Memorial and down 81st to Osaka. Many times, we've told the kids about this restaurant - and the amazing things their cooks can do with both food and knives.

The hype was real. 

The restaurant wasn't too busy, we got seated rather quickly, and had a table entirely to ourselves. 

After a quick warning to Jaxon that anything he was about to see could not be practiced at home with real knives, our guy got to work - and it was everything we had told the kids it would be. 

He flipped the knives, he caught an egg in his pocket, he did the onion-volcano... thing. It was perfect. The kids watched with open mouths at trick after trick, Jaxon often fumbling with his phone trying to chronicle them all on video. 

Seriously, I'm a grown man and I couldn't wait for this thing... 

Jaxon watched in amazement.

Jade hid behind Shelly.  

As the meal went on, we stuffed our faces and politely laughed at the cook's well-rehearsed (and very corny) jokes about each food item. Grandma marveled at Jade's attempts to use chopsticks, and we enjoyed each others' company.

It's a fun thing, sharing my family with grandma. She's fascinated to learn about them. She asks them questions about their lives and hangs on their every word. I'm always so proud of Shelly and the kids, and love how grandma didn't skip a beat when they joined the family. She just was a great grandma - and couldn't wait to make up for lost time with her new great grandkids.


After lunch, we needed to find a nice, calm place where we could trade Christmas presents. Thankfully, there's a really fun little duck pond right next to her house.

This is where the fun really began.

Apparently this park discourages people from feeding the birds. I guess the birds get too fat, sit on the water too long, and then muck it up with all their excess poops.

Unfortunately (or fortunately if you're a duck) - I guess everyone disregards this guideline, because these ducks and geese were very used to being fed.





Enter this guy.

I've never seen a duck like this one before. I swear, somewhere in the past some kid lost his favorite dog and it got reincarnated as a duck.

He panted. He invaded our privacy. He even wagged his tail when he got excited!





It was hilarious.

All in all, it was a really wonderful day. We all ate more than we should have, marveled at a man who spun knives way too well, and made friends with a duck with severe species identity issues.

I think more than anything, days like that make me feel so very thankful.




I'm thankful for my beautiful wife, and the joy she's given me by letting me be a part of her world.

I'm thankful for my amazing kids, and getting to share experiences with them - and feeling how palpable their excitement can be when things surprise them.

I'm thankful for my grandma, and all I've learned from her.



I'm guess I'm also thankful, because now I know that if I die and come back as a duck - I know where to go to get spoiled.