Rockstar Weekend

I've never been good at concerts.

I mean, I've only been to a small handful of them in my life, but every time I find myself watching the people there as much as, if not more than, the performer on stage.

I think, maybe because I have trouble "letting go".

Here's a for instance:

You know when you're at a concert, and the person on stage yells "Are you guys excited?!" and you're supposed to scream something back at them...

No matter how excited I am, whatever leaves my mouth (if anything) in response to that question just doesn't sound natural. It sounds... pained.

Have you seen those videos of vocal goats? That's me trying to fit in at a concert.

I don't yell good.

I'm not a "yeller".



Don't get me wrong, I love music. I listen to it when I shower. I listen to it when I draw. I pay extra to not listen to commercials on Pandora when I'm driving.

I've just never been good at concerts.










I say all of that, because this week Shelly and I went on our anniversary date to see Chris Stapleton in Tulsa.

Now the concert, was amazing.

Not a real fan of country music myself, I was a little hesitant about how much I was going to enjoy the evening (even though I knew my wife was going to have a blast, which made going exciting anyways) - but this guy is legit.

Regardless of the genre, there's something about listening to an artist who's truly talented, doing something they're passionate about.

I don't like country music or concerts, and this guy put on one hell of a country music concert.

Couple that with the enjoyment of watching someone I love enjoying something she loves - and we had a blast.


At the concert however, I saw a LOT of people who are "good at" concerts.



Even in our little section (up in the nosebleeds), people were singing their hearts out, screaming at the right times, and - in the case of the highly inebriated girl sitting next to Shelly - dancing to nearly ever other song.

Seriously. It was hilarious.

As she drunkenly swayed back and forth in her goin' out dress, Shelly leaned into me at one point and whisper/yelled "Her fringe keeps hitting me!"

Oh, what a strange problem to have.


But still, it's amazing to see how much people can just let go in a situation like that - truly living in the moment.

I envy that.

There was a guy there two seats ahead of us who was up on his feet more often than not, singing his heart out and raising his lighter to his favorite songs.

At one point, Chris and his wife covered the song "You Are My Sunshine", and this guy was just... there.

Fists in the air, he belted out every single word with them in a way that I never thought I'd see a grown up commit to such a simple song.

I commented to Shelly "If they play Bicycle Built for Two, this guy is going to lose his mind."



But all in all, the concert was amazing. Before things got started, we met up with my friend Amanda and her husband Mark - and Shelly saw a few people there that she knew as well. Tons of people came out for this thing.

(Including a large man with a foot long beard in a Punisher shirt and Superman belt who REALLY wanted to get in a fight when someone dropped their beer on him. Admittedly, they dropped it from two stories up... but still...)

At one point, Chris asked the crowd to turn their phone's flashlights on (this generation's lighter in the air) and the arena LIT UP. Quite a sight to behold.

Due to the high number of people we thought might turn out, we opted to take a Lyft from the hotel to the concert. In what I thought was clearly one of my brighter moves, we avoided traffic and paid 12 dollars for the ride there instead of 10-20 in parking alone.

What I didn't know was that there are also "prime hours" on services like Lyft and Uber where due to the high volume of rides requested, prices go up by 600%.

The 12 we paid to get there made me feel like a genius.

The 60 we paid to get back... didn't.

_______________________

The day after the concert, we went to IHOP for breakfast and then went and got "anniversary tattoos". 

True to form as a sappy couple, Shelly and I have our own "cute" way of telling each other (and the kids) "I love you". 

Years ago, one of us pointed out that "I love you" in sign language resembles the letters J, m, and l. Over time, "I love you" was shortened to "Jml" for texts, greeting cards, and short messages. 

For our fourth anniversary, we decided to get Jml tattooed as a fun way to commemorate the event. 

Interestingly enough, JML also happened to be the initials of the artist who worked on us. 

Deep down, I wondered if he thought we were stalkers he just hadn't ever noticed before. 

_______________________

Saturday night, we drove to Tulsa and met my parents, brother, and soon to be sister in law for dinner at Texas de Brazil (a Brazilian steakhouse) and the comedy club. 

The steakhouse was something else. 

Have you been to a Brazilian steakhouse? Basically it's a carnivore's dream. 

They give you these coins for your table - everyone gets one. One side is red, which means that you're either eating or not hungry at the moment. Flip the coin over though, and servers that walk the restaurant will come by offering you cuts of whatever meat they're carrying.

They had multiple types of steak, chicken, bacon wrapped jalapeños, and sausages. 

They also offer a gigantic salad bar, which I've heard referred to as a "rookie mistake". 

I mean, why fill up on lettuce in a place that literally serves all-you-can-eat steak. 

... Please don't reference this blog if you ever hear me griping about my weight. 

After the restaurant, we went across the street to The Loony Bin. 

There were three performers that night, and while they were all great - the first one (and host for the night) stole the show. 

Well, he may have tied with the HORRIBLY drunk girl behind us that ran her own commentary for the length of all three comedians. For the uninitiated, comedians ask a lot of rhetorical questions. 

She answered every single one of them. 

And - while I've spent at least 30 minutes on Google trying to find the stellar comedian's name to share, I've been completely unable to. 

Maybe my memory's getting bad. 

Maybe it's because Kelsey and I ordered drinks that came in mini-pitchers. 

... the world may never know.

That night, after the comedy club, we went back to Mom's house in Sand Springs, played games, opened birthday presents, and watched Netflix. 

To cap off the night, Adam asked me to be the best man at his wedding this August. 

_______________________

At the end of it all, it was a whirlwind of a week. 

Had a great anniversary trip with my wife, got some special quality time with my family, and did a lot of fun things that I hadn't done for some time. 

This week, I'm out of town for work. 

I'm sure I'll have a lot of interesting things to talk about when I get a chance to settle back in next week. 

Now, I'm going to wrap this up and then go out for my birthday dinner with Shelly and the kids. 

They're taking me to Buffalo Wild Wings. 

Seriously, why am I overweight??

Father's Day

My whole life, June has been a very busy month. 

When I was a little kid, it was because my little brother, mom, dad, and I all have June birthdays. 

Now, it's also got two of my best friends' birthdays, Father's Day, and my wedding anniversary. 

Suffice to say, while it's a busy and (sometimes) expensive month, it's also a very fun one - all things considered. 

__________________

This week Shelly and I celebrated our fourth anniversary. 

Four years ago I married the love of my life, and the crush that I had on her back then has only intensified since then. 

Being married, like so many other worthwhile things in life, is very challenging. It's not enough to just love someone - or to want someone to love you back. You have to actively work together to make a marriage work. 

We fight, we gripe, we frustrate and often want to shake the hell out of each other - but at the root of it all through those times, we know that when the dust settles, we still want to be us. 

And that's a powerful thing. I think, because people are imperfect. 

We both know that we have bad days (also bad habits, memories, and baggage) - so when they happen, we tie ourselves to the nearest solid structure like Bill Paxton in Twister and wait for the storm to pass. 

Because on the other side of the scale from all that bad is a world of wonderful things that we both have together - and that side is always heavier. 

People always say that they married their best friend, and I get it. 

And, while we typically go spend the night in Tulsa for our anniversary, this year we had to put it off for a couple of weeks because of work and a couple of other responsibilities. Thankfully though, this year our Tulsa trip also contains a Chris Stapleton concert - so expect to read about that in the near future. 

(One of my anniversary gifts from Shelly was a keychain with the coordinates of where we first met - at the conference table where I interviewed for my first job in the mental health field.)

__________________

This weekend we went to a good family friend's house for a cookout. 

When I married Shelly, meeting her family was a bit overwhelming - strictly due to the sheer number of individuals that meeting her "family" entailed. 

It wasn't until after we'd been together for some time that I realized many of the family I'd been meeting weren't biologically related. 

There were "cousins", "uncles", and even "brothers" that while they weren't related by blood - they had been around for so long that they were counted as family. 

Suffice to say, it took me a long time to get to know everyone - but now that I have, with the size of this group, there are always things going on. 

The cookout was a blast, though - minus the flies. 

In addition to having fun whenever we go to Brad and Tanya's house, I have to say there's a part of my brain that freaks out whenever their son is home from college. 

Rocky has spent the better part of his life collecting video games, so his room is like a shrine to electronic entertainment. He has nearly every system ever made with a ton of games for each setup. Inevitably, any time we go out there for an event, a handful of us always end up in Rocky's room playing some game together. 

It's gotten so predictable that whenever Shelly looks around and realizes that I'm missing from the conversation, she just knows that I'm off playing games with the rest of the adult children. 

(When we got home, the kids wanted to try crawling from the trunk of my car into the front - something they saw as we were putting lawn chairs in at the end of the cookout.)

__________________

Other than that, it was  pretty uneventful weekend. 

The thunderstorm that nobody expected threw off my plans to mow; so we stayed in and spent the majority of the weekend acting lazy. 

We finished the new season of Orange is the New Black. I caught up on Better Call Saul. I played some xbox with my friends. 

All in all, not a bad way to spend a weekend. 

__________________

Today though, is Father's Day. 

Father's Day has turned into somewhat of a bittersweet day for me these last couple of years. 

Being a step dad, it's hard to know what role to play on Father's Day. 

Due to Shelly's custody agreement, the kids always spend the bulk of the day (or at least the first half) with their biological dad. Thankfully though, he and I have always had a functional/respectful relationship - so he always brings them home with time for me to spend with them. 

I don't speak of it often, but my own dad and I had a falling out a couple of years ago. After a series of disagreements and fights, we decided to cut ties and I haven't talked to him for two years this month. 

Father's Day is hard, because it always reminds me of what could be. 

I made the decision to sever that relationship after it became clear that it had become toxic - and while I didn't make the decision lightly or flippantly, it's been really hard for some people to accept for what it is. I get told to "Just call him" regularly, but in his own way - he's made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship either. 

I did try to write him a letter a few months ago, but he didn't reply. I've learned second hand that he's quoted me as saying hateful things that never left my mouth (or entered my mind) - and two weeks ago I learned he tried to block my contact from my grandmother's phone so I couldn't talk to her either -which was pretty much the last nail in an already airtight coffin. 

As a therapist, I know that sometimes you have to cut your losses. Sometimes when a relationship becomes unhealthy, you do more damage trying to fix it repeatedly when damage is done. 

When I married Shelly and inherited two children in the process, the world became that much more real - and that much scarier. I'm still the same loving person that I was before we got together - but my priorities have shifted in a way that I'll do anything to protect the people I've promised to care for, and things that threaten them or their happiness have no place in my life. 

...long story short, Father's Day is kind of a rough day. 

Last year I got drunk and watched Netflix all day feeling sorry for myself. 

This year, I decided to spend the day doing things that were more fun. I played xbox, opened gifts from Shelly and the kids, called and talked to my step dad (seriously one of the best men I've ever met) and my grandparents. I worked on a page from the book I'm half way through, and I also took a nap. 

(Seriously, between my anniversary and Father's Day, I got some amazing new t shirts.) 

We also rented and watched Big Daddy (which the kids hadn't seen) and I took Jade to the store to spend some money she had earned. 

__________________

This evening, we met Shelly's parents at Braum's for a Father's Day dinner, and now we're home relaxing and preparing for the week to start. 

This week we've got the aforementioned concert on Thursday night, then we're spending the night in Tulsa and doing anniversary things while we're there. Next weekend we're meeting my parents and my brother and his fiancée in Tulsa for dinner and some form probably either a movie or to go to the comedy club.

I'm speaking to a group this week about a therapy group that I put on at work, and then next week I'm actually going out of the state for a work training. 

So, while the next couple of weeks are going to be hectic - there's a lot of opportunity in there for some fun and memorable experiences. 

Wherever you are as you're reading this, I hope that your day was beautiful, and spent with someone you care about. While not every relationship in my life is perfect or the way that I'd have it if given the choice, I do have some amazing people around me to help the bumps and bruises make less of an impact. 

Happy Father's Day to all of the dads out there. See you guys next week. 

Empty Spaces

If you didn't notice, there wasn't a new blog on Sunday.

This is mainly because Shelly and the kids left to spend the next four days at church camp, and I spent the better part of the day playing videogames was in mourning because the house felt so empty.

In truth, the last couple of weeks have been very eventful, and I guess it's time to sit down and document them. I see now why I started writing once a week - because experiences are easier to recall when you're only working with seven days' worth at a time.


I think to really do this blog justice, we need to start last week.

Or, in other words...

WE HAVE TO GO BACK!










Sorry, I just really wanted to draw a Doc Brown Alex.

There was honestly no other reason.



A lot has happened over the last week and a half though, so instead of inundate you with a rundown of every little thing - I'm going to hit the highlights:

Last Monday night, we went to Shelly's parents' house for her niece's birthday party: "Julia's Facetime Party".

With her sister living in North Carolina, we had dinner and dessert on our end, and sang happy birthday to her niece over facetime.

Before dinner, Jade and I played with the chickens outside. Jade likes to see how close she can get to them before they run away.

They're pretty cool chickens.

Tuesday night, Shelly left to go to Oklahoma City for work. Jade had a much harder time with this than Jaxon.

I ended up taking the kids to the park to play tag, and then out to dinner at the restaurant of their choosing.

Thankfully, my kids are cheap dates, and we ended up going to Taco Bell.

When Shelly got home, Jade threw her (with help from Shelly's mom, Diane) a welcome home party - with indian tacos, chocolate dipped strawberries, and a strawberry cake.

Jaxon mostly played with the balloons.

I mean seriously, she went all out.

Over the weekend, Shelly and Jade went to the grocery store, and Jade came back pregnant with a watermelon.

I downloaded a new app called Prisma on my phone that makes your photos look like digital paintings. I've been having a lot of fun with it. Mostly, I just like the way it makes my beard look.

...and that catches us up to this week.


Shelly and the kids went to church camp Sunday night, and stayed out there every night until today - Thursday. While Shelly would come into town every day for work, the kids stayed out there 24/7.


I have to admit: at first, having the house to myself was nice. It was quiet, I didn't have to compete for bathroom time or internet bandwidth. I didn't have to worry about the kids arguing, or what to make for everyone's dinner.











Shelly, on the other hand, had a bit more unpredictable and hectic week than I did.




















At one point, she texted me a picture of herself, drenched, after she tried to fix a broken pipe in the girls' shower.





















I Prisma'd it.











So yeah, my week alone in the house was relaxing and peaceful. Until it got dull.

I realized pretty quickly how much I like having my people here. I like the structure of our nights, and the sound of others in the house.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed living alone when I was single. I never got lonely or bored -

- But now, I think I've grown accustomed to chaos.


Today though, the kids came home.


I got home from work, eager to hear about their weeks. Eager for hugs, and eager for noise in the house again.


... and then came home to this:

I guess it's been a long week for them.



So I guess that's it for now. I'm writing this, waiting for the kids to wake up so I can hear about their week away at camp. Tomorrow's Friday, and we start a whole new week in a few days.

I've got yard work planned for the weekend, and not much else.


This blog has been more of a hodgepodge of thoughts and images than it has been a cohesive commentary on our experiences - but that's pretty appropriate for my life.


It doesn't always fit perfectly in it's box.



Until next week.