Saturday, January 28, 2017

The Dance


For the past couple of years, I’ve used the Timehop app.






For those not in the know, it’s an app that goes through your photos and social media posts and shows you everything you said and did on that day, often going back a few years. 

Normally, it’s a collection of proof that I’m not as funny in hindsight as I think I am in the
moment – but occasionally it really brings up great memories. 








Earlier this week, it loaded this picture: 

This was Jade four years ago when we took her for her annual flu shot.

Well, correction… this was Jade minutes AFTER her annual flu shot.

Minutes after her screaming, crying, and altogether flooding the poor doctor’s office with the sounds of a child being tortured. 

Honestly, Jaxon and I sat in the waiting room and we could still hear what sounded like the Kids Bop version of the movie ‘Saw’ taking place an entire two rooms and a hall away from us. 


Seriously, it was horrible.

 So, as I was sitting there looking at this picture the other day, I started thinking about what it means to protect your children – and how relative that idea really is. 

How, often the things that they want to be protected from are actually good for them – and the things that they run head first into are the ones we want them to be scared of. 










…and how much muddier the water gets when you’re a step parent. 



Being a step parent is very different than being a biological one. 

When I came into the kids’ lives, they were two and four, so I didn’t get the bonding experience with them that a traditional parent gets when they have a child. 

I got to meet two little walking/talking personalities – each with their own likes and dislikes.

 And that’s the thing, I had to figure out those likes and dislikes quickly if I wanted a chance to stick around. 

I had to figure out that Jade likes drawing and acting silly. That she likes making up songs on the spot and telling jokes about farts. 

I had to learn that Jaxon likes eating pizza and drinking Dr. Pepper. That he can play video games for hours on end and likes watching cartoons about super heroes. 









(Ok, clearly, I went of my comfort zone for these kids…)







Dating a single parent is this crazy dance of half courting your romantic interest – but in a way also kind of courting their kids. 

You do things you think they’ll like, find out what they’re into, and immerse yourself in their interests. 

In some ways, you’re like the fun uncle of a very dysfunctional family - On one hand; the kids know that you’ll normally go along with anything they want to do because you’re trying to impress them. 

On the other hand; you make out with their mom.

As I dated Shelly, I also got to build a relationship with Jaxon and Jade. But, like most things in life, that relationship came with a delicate balance. 

If I told the kids “No” too often, they’d think I was too strict – and they wouldn’t want me around. If I told the kids “Yes” to everything, then I was setting them (and me) up for rough times ahead, because that sort of hedonistic lifestyle just can’t work on a long timeline. 




As a step parent, I signed on to not only get the kids to like me – I wanted to help raise them. 

I wanted to help them turn into responsible young adults, with a reasonable understanding of life – and acceptance for how sometimes we get our way in life and how sometimes we don’t. 

And holy cow, it’s been tough in ways that I couldn’t have ever predicted.






Like I said, kids have this uncanny ability to sniff out things designed to better them as people – and to develop an irrational hatred for those things. 

Things like homework, the dentist, healthy food… 

…Flu shots. 

It’s maddening. 

So much so, that I’ve certainly had my fair share of frustrated moments. A few weeks ago, Jaxon was griping about doing homework. 



I had tried to sell the idea from every possible angle, but he was just in a funk and met every effort I made with sighs and grunts. 

It got to where I actually started to take issue with the fact that I was being treated like a villain for wanting the kid to learn things. 

I said “Jaxon, you know, being a parent sucks.” 

I think this caught him off guard. 


I went on: “ I’m kind of screwed either way here, bud. Either I make you do your homework and you’re mad at me for that. OR, I don’t make you do your homework, you grow up not learning the things you’re supposed to learn, and then you get mad at me later in life when you can’t get the job you want because you didn’t learn something you should have. Either way, I’m going to be the bad guy – no matter what we do here.” 

Of course he inevitably did his homework (that part wasn’t really ever up for debate), but he did lose a little bit of his attitude on the subject. 

Maybe, while I didn’t get the bonding experience with a baby that biological parents get – I did get an understanding. 

An understanding that becomes clearer the older the kids get. 

An understanding that I’m just this guy who liked a girl and her kids, and now I’m in (mostly over my head), trying to help her turn them into well rounded grownups – and it’s a job that just sort of stinks sometimes. 








Like I said, it’s a dance. 

I’m still trying to learn the steps. 

Sunday, January 22, 2017

"Sushi"

Living in a small town in a landlocked state makes it tough to find good sushi.

We have:


  • A Chinese restaurant with buffet sushi (all cooked fish sitting out next to a tray of wasabi paste)
  • A Chinese restaurant who has been accused of fishing local lakes for "sushi" fish
  • A Chinese restaurant who recently renovated their building and doubled their prices
  • A grocery store that makes it in the morning and keeps it in the cooler with their cheeses all day.

Now, I don't have a refined sushi palate, so I'm not ashamed to admit that I've eaten from every one of those options previously - and enjoyed most of them. It's just... I've always wanted more. Also, I've always wanted to be that guy who makes his own sushi whenever he wants. 

So yesterday - while Shelly and the kids were out - I decided to do just that. 

Knowing absolutely nothing about making sushi, I remembered a video I had stumbled across months ago promoting a product called the "Sushi Bazooka". 



If there's a more authentic name for a sushi making kit, I'd be surprised. So, earlier this week, I had found it on Amazon and ordered it. 

Surprisingly though, while I ordered the "Sushi Bazooka", what I got in the mail was "Sushezi" - a similar looking product, with directions ONLY in French.

(I would find out later that all of the one star reviews for the product said the same thing - that they had received a different product than what they ordered.)

 Probably should have been a red flag.  


I can roll with the punches though, so I figured "What the heck... let's make some sushi!" 

I went to Walmart and got all of the things that I thought I would need (after googling "How to make easy sushi). 

Since I didn't have time to go to the fish market in Tulsa, I decided to start out easy. I bought sushi rice, imitation crab meat, cucumber, sriracha mayo, and sushi wraps (Nori, I believe, for the uninitiated). 




At this point in the story, I feel like I need to introduce one of its major players: 

Turk. 


Turk is my HUGE cat that I've had since grad school. I have spoiled Turk through years of giving him treats whenever I make food for me that I think he might also like. There are certain kitchen sounds that send him absolutely bolting from whatever part of the house he's in. 

Unfortunately, one of those sounds is the sliding noise that the cutting board makes whenever it's pulled from the cabinet where we keep it. It doesn't matter what you're cutting (in this case, cucumbers) - he just knows that if the board is out, he's eating something. 


So, as my sushi rice is cooking (in my brand new rice cooker, also ordered earlier this week), I started cutting up my cucumbers - Turk yowling the entire time. It doesn't matter if I lower the board to the floor to prove to him that I'm not cutting meat, he just keeps going. 

When the rice finished cooking, I set to work on my "sushi". 

I loaded the bazooka with rice, strips of crab meat, and slices of cucumber. I closed the (poorly Amazon rated) hinges, loaded the plunger, and began to "extrude". 


The aptly named Sushi Bazooka (or "Sushezi" here) spit out a roll of sushi that immediately fell apart as soon as it hit the wrapping. 

The thing about sushi rice though, as opposed to regular rice, is that it's VERY sticky. So, when you ignorantly go to correct a mistake with your bare hands, more comes back with you than you leave at the scene of the accident. 

I begin cussing to myself as I'm now trying to get sticky sushi rice of of my hands while Turk continues to meow at me, beckoning me to give him some of whatever it is that I'm making. 

I chase Turk off, holding my hands vertical like a pre-surgery surgeon waiting for his gloves - but years of spoiling this cat has made any threat I make an easily called bluff - so he makes a quick loop and returns. 

The only thing missing from the next 30 minutes was the Benny Hill song - just a sped up video of me: loading the gun, packing it tight, forgetting the plunger, re-opening the gun, putting the plunger in, extruding a soft mess of "sushi", Turk meowing, me chasing him off, repeating the process. 

I cussed the gun, I cussed the cat, I cussed Amazon, I cussed the French. It was a mess - and nothing like the 'elegant' process I expected making sushi to be.  

Finally, I was able to get something resembling a roll of sushi squirted out onto the seaweed wrap (which I had to double up, because Walmart sushi wraps are not of the highest quality - who knew?) - and I rolled that thing up like the world's ugliest burrito. 



I slowly cut it into pieces (sticky, remember?), poured my soy sauce, got my wasabi, and sat down to eat. 



Here's the thing though... even well made sushi often wants to fall apart when it's dipped in soy sauce. 

The same can definitely be said for poorly wrapped sushi burritos. 



As I sat in my dark front room, hate-eating this ugly monstrosity - I decided I should probably leave sushi making up to the pros (as relative as that word may be around here).


I felt like Dr. Steve Bruhl.





2/10 - Would not Sushezi again. 



Saturday, January 21, 2017

Starting Out

When you like your life, it's easy to get caught up in it and miss the little things.

You look at pictures from times you had, and it's staggering how different things look. Scenery changes, skin wrinkles, and kids grow up.

I decided it might be a fun idea to blog my life, if only to document the experiences I have so I can look back on them later for my own enjoyment. If you want to read along with me though, that'd be cool too.

So, let's get started.

My name's Alex.



I'm a 33 year old therapist from a small town in Oklahoma. I have a masters in psychology and work full time at the Cherokee Nation hospital in Tahlequah. I draw comics, play video games, love movies, and have an on again/off again relationship with unhealthy food.

Three years ago, I married my best friend Shelly.


Shelly's everything a guy could hope for in a wife. She's hilarious, kind, caring, and honest. She's the most genuine person I've ever known, and she makes my life so much more fun. She's got terrible taste in movies and books (I mean, this week alone she's re-reading the 50 Shades books and re-watching the Twilight movies... ), and she's scared of food she can't pronounce - but she's truly awesome. 




When we got married, my life changed for the better in so many ways - but one way in particular was that I became a stepdad (if the blog's title didn't give that away already). 



These are my kids, Jaxon and Jade. I've been in their lives since they were two and four and it's amazing how fast time has gone by. They're already nine and eleven!



Jaxon is everything a son is supposed to be. He's fun, eager to tag along, helpful, and most of all - he's good. He's got a heart of gold, and lives to make everyone around him happy. While his teenage years are looming on the horizon, we always have a blast. He's my video game buddy, and my Lowes companion. 



Jade is unlike any little girl I've ever met. She's one of the most creative and imaginative humans I've ever come across, and she has a way of seeing life from the funniest possible angle. When she's not acting out life as various different characters, she's singing or dancing to an imaginary crowd of millions. 


I love being a dad more than I've ever loved anything before. It's one of the most stressful and unforgiving jobs I've ever taken on, but it's the most rewarding and fun at the same time. Having kids around means there's always someone who wants to do something - and two little people I get to  share all of my favorite things and experiences with.


I'm going to try to update this blog once a week at a minimum. I want to share my family with others and have something that I can look back on later to remind myself how much fun we've had. If you want to be emailed whenever a new post goes up, put your email in on the side, and you'll get a notification every time. 

We've got a big year planned, so it should be worth writing down. 

Hopefully, my words can do it all justice.