The Dance

For the past couple of years, I’ve used the Timehop app.

For those not in the know, it’s an app that goes through your photos and social media posts and shows you everything you said and did on that day, often going back a few years. 

Normally, it’s a collection of proof that I’m not as funny in hindsight as I think I am in the
moment – but occasionally it really brings up great memories. 

Earlier this week, it loaded this picture: 

This was Jade four years ago when we took her for her annual flu shot.

Well, correction… this was Jade minutes AFTER her annual flu shot.

Minutes after her screaming, crying, and altogether flooding the poor doctor’s office with the sounds of a child being tortured. 

Honestly, Jaxon and I sat in the waiting room and we could still hear what sounded like the Kids Bop version of the movie ‘Saw’ taking place an entire two rooms and a hall away from us. 

Seriously, it was horrible.

 So, as I was sitting there looking at this picture the other day, I started thinking about what it means to protect your children – and how relative that idea really is. 

How, often the things that they want to be protected from are actually good for them – and the things that they run head first into are the ones we want them to be scared of. 










…and how much muddier the water gets when you’re a step parent. 

Being a step parent is very different than being a biological one. 

When I came into the kids’ lives, they were two and four, so I didn’t get the bonding experience with them that a traditional parent gets when they have a child. 

I got to meet two little walking/talking personalities – each with their own likes and dislikes.

 And that’s the thing, I had to figure out those likes and dislikes quickly if I wanted a chance to stick around. 

I had to figure out that Jade likes drawing and acting silly. That she likes making up songs on the spot and telling jokes about farts. 

I had to learn that Jaxon likes eating pizza and drinking Dr. Pepper. That he can play video games for hours on end and likes watching cartoons about super heroes. 









(Ok, clearly, I went of my comfort zone for these kids…)







Dating a single parent is this crazy dance of half courting your romantic interest – but in a way also kind of courting their kids. 

You do things you think they’ll like, find out what they’re into, and immerse yourself in their interests. 

In some ways, you’re like the fun uncle of a very dysfunctional family - On one hand; the kids know that you’ll normally go along with anything they want to do because you’re trying to impress them. 

On the other hand; you make out with their mom.

As I dated Shelly, I also got to build a relationship with Jaxon and Jade. But, like most things in life, that relationship came with a delicate balance. 

If I told the kids “No” too often, they’d think I was too strict – and they wouldn’t want me around. If I told the kids “Yes” to everything, then I was setting them (and me) up for rough times ahead, because that sort of hedonistic lifestyle just can’t work on a long timeline. 

As a step parent, I signed on to not only get the kids to like me – I wanted to help raise them. 

I wanted to help them turn into responsible young adults, with a reasonable understanding of life – and acceptance for how sometimes we get our way in life and how sometimes we don’t. 

And holy cow, it’s been tough in ways that I couldn’t have ever predicted.






Like I said, kids have this uncanny ability to sniff out things designed to better them as people – and to develop an irrational hatred for those things. 

Things like homework, the dentist, healthy food… 

…Flu shots. 

It’s maddening. 

So much so, that I’ve certainly had my fair share of frustrated moments. A few weeks ago, Jaxon was griping about doing homework. 

I had tried to sell the idea from every possible angle, but he was just in a funk and met every effort I made with sighs and grunts. 

It got to where I actually started to take issue with the fact that I was being treated like a villain for wanting the kid to learn things. 

I said “Jaxon, you know, being a parent sucks.” 

I think this caught him off guard. 


I went on: “ I’m kind of screwed either way here, bud. Either I make you do your homework and you’re mad at me for that. OR, I don’t make you do your homework, you grow up not learning the things you’re supposed to learn, and then you get mad at me later in life when you can’t get the job you want because you didn’t learn something you should have. Either way, I’m going to be the bad guy – no matter what we do here.” 

Of course he inevitably did his homework (that part wasn’t really ever up for debate), but he did lose a little bit of his attitude on the subject. 

Maybe, while I didn’t get the bonding experience with a baby that biological parents get – I did get an understanding. 

An understanding that becomes clearer the older the kids get. 

An understanding that I’m just this guy who liked a girl and her kids, and now I’m in (mostly over my head), trying to help her turn them into well rounded grownups – and it’s a job that just sort of stinks sometimes. 

Like I said, it’s a dance. 

I’m still trying to learn the steps.