Weight Loss

This week, we started a new weight loss challenge AND a month-long step challenge at work.

So, I think that means the fun is over.

Admittedly, I signed up for each of these – as neither was mandatory – but, it was time.

Last year’s weight loss challenge helped me lose 25 pounds. I have since put 10 of those pounds back on. 

Thanks to stupid, delicious carbs (which are of course stupid, delicious, and stupid delicious).

I hate being someone who has dealt with weight issues his entire life. I was born with a slow metabolism and an affinity for sitting.

… also, I hate dieting.

To me, dieting is like being an adult, but playing by the same rules that kids have to. You’re told you can’t have something you want, and that makes you want it a thousand times more. 

I’ll be the first to admit that food is my drug. 

Seriously, if Buffalo wings were injectable, I’d have some pretty nasty track marks.

The thing is, as an adult though; you know that the thing being taken away isn’t good for you. 

As a kid, you just have to assume and hope that what the adults tell you isn’t worth having is actually something you don’t need. You don’t believe them, and want it even more, but you’re at the mercy of authority – and have to abide.

At 33, I’m well aware of calories, cholesterol, and trans fat.

I know they’re not good for me.

But, they’re like the bad boys at my school, and I’m the sweet, innocent blonde girl who thinks she can “change” them. 

It never ends well.

As a therapist, I know there’s safety in moderation. And honestly, I binge and give in far less than my joking would lead people to believe. It’s just, the idea of it still chafes me a little.

I think it’s the constant mindfulness.

When I’m on a diet, I feel like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Daily life is a swirl of numbers and calculations as I mentally work out the calories in everything around me. I’ve been at it so long that I’m quite good at guessing the roundabout caloric value of most foods.

But that’s not good enough. When you’re on a diet, you have to be sure.

So I measure my foods. I weigh them. I count out and separate servings.

For instance: I had a chicken salad for dinner last night. I made it using a digital scale. God help me, I weighed croutons.

I felt like the world’s lamest drug dealer.

Candy is out. Alcohol is out. Pasta and bread have become shady friends I know better than to listen to. It’s a lonely walk, being on a diet.

Thankfully though, I have a wife who is going through the same thing. And friends, I have friends at work trekking (and bitching) right along with me.

I think honestly, I need to change my viewpoint on the thing. Counseling for this long has taught me that all thoughts lead to feelings. If your thinking is negative, then the resulting feeling will be, too.

Example: If I think “It’s unfair that I can’t eat an entire sleeve of thin mints out of the freezer while watching this 30 Rock episode…”, then the resulting feeling will be anger.

Well, rage. Rage, resentment, fury, frustration, disgust, hate, aggravation, irritation, disdain, displeasure, bitterness…

Sorry, I got carried away with the thesaurus.

But, if I change my initial thought to something more realistic, like “A couple of cookies is within my daily diet plan, and only eating two will leave me feeling both sated AND proud of myself for showing restraint…”

…nope, still rage.

Kidding.

The feeling will be a bit more comfortable, and in turn, will undoubtedly lead towards a healthier and more comfortable behavior.

That’s just the thing though, isn’t it? Food isn’t just food.

Food is sustenance, entertainment, comfort, and calming. Food shows up at weddings, funerals, birthday parties, game nights, movies, and dates. It’s a reward when you’ve done something right – and consolation when you didn’t. 

It’s as awesome as it is addicting. 

Unfortunately, it can also be dangerous.

Especially when you’re a chubby guy in your thirties with a family history of heart disease.

So yeah, we started a weight loss challenge AND a walking challenge this week. 

But, maybe the fun isn’t necessarily over…

...I just need to figure out how to spread it around a little more evenly.

Like butter.

On bread.

…Garlic bread.